i am so drained...just feeling empty.
this evening's solo relationship therapy session was harrowing...the fiance didn't make it as he's busy working and also thinks he pretty much knows everything i'm going to say - yes, he might but i need somewhere like that to discuss things.
instead i did that alone, and i'm sitting at home alone.
and i hate alone.
my weight has pretty much stabilised.
hardly any appetite at all.
luckily no cramps today.
and i so want to be happy but just wonder - when is it okay to be unhappy?
(sorry gretchen!)
Showing posts with label relationship. Show all posts
Showing posts with label relationship. Show all posts
Thursday, April 23, 2009
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
tuesday was bluesday
o gosh.
i really am starting to feel that relationship therapy is the truly the work of satan sent to test couples even more. imagine it must be bad enough going into therapy for yourself but having to sit there as a couple and not only deal with your own stuff but the other person's really is turning into hell. we are now worse off than before we went last saturday morning! tis because the fiance is focussing on the only thing thing the therapist said to me = regarding my self esteem and that if it wasn't so low (well i would say non existent) that i'd not have stood for the fiance being withdrawn/confusing and left it to him to sort out alone.
he is taking this as i am only with him because i have low self esteem.
not that i love him and fight for this relationship to work out - that i want to move on and have it nice again.
i really don't know what to do and last night was at one of my lowest points ever, again. luckily i have my new bestest knitroast buddy to get me through it now, just unfortunately she wasnt out on a date in my area so i could go intrude. so i pulled myself out of it with double prozac, painkillers, a nice vegan raspberry cider and time spent sprucing up my cv.
i really need a showreel.
but i also need to get through this...
will go back to the session on saturday to try and make sense of the destruction the first session made
and then sign myself up for lonely one on one sessions with the lovely therapist.
did i mention she is russian and wears big black leather biker boots with silky floral dresses and matt black tights?
i could never go to a therapist i din't like how she dressed.
and the russian accent really works.
my best hypnotherapist had in irish accent.
and plays harp and is an x-opera singer.
i need pretty to help me. ugly will just make it worse!
i really am starting to feel that relationship therapy is the truly the work of satan sent to test couples even more. imagine it must be bad enough going into therapy for yourself but having to sit there as a couple and not only deal with your own stuff but the other person's really is turning into hell. we are now worse off than before we went last saturday morning! tis because the fiance is focussing on the only thing thing the therapist said to me = regarding my self esteem and that if it wasn't so low (well i would say non existent) that i'd not have stood for the fiance being withdrawn/confusing and left it to him to sort out alone.
he is taking this as i am only with him because i have low self esteem.
not that i love him and fight for this relationship to work out - that i want to move on and have it nice again.
i really don't know what to do and last night was at one of my lowest points ever, again. luckily i have my new bestest knitroast buddy to get me through it now, just unfortunately she wasnt out on a date in my area so i could go intrude. so i pulled myself out of it with double prozac, painkillers, a nice vegan raspberry cider and time spent sprucing up my cv.
i really need a showreel.
but i also need to get through this...
will go back to the session on saturday to try and make sense of the destruction the first session made
and then sign myself up for lonely one on one sessions with the lovely therapist.
did i mention she is russian and wears big black leather biker boots with silky floral dresses and matt black tights?
i could never go to a therapist i din't like how she dressed.
and the russian accent really works.
my best hypnotherapist had in irish accent.
and plays harp and is an x-opera singer.
i need pretty to help me. ugly will just make it worse!
Friday, March 6, 2009
ugh!
so of course the community mental phone me up to make an assessment appointment and the 2nd question they ask (after do i read english) is if i'm in any other therapy. so i tell them that we are starting relationship therapy with relate tomoro and the community mental tell me then they can't help me as i'm already speaking to someone. ugh!!!
they told me to go back to my doc for another referral when i'm finished with relationship counselling. i told them that was the reason i needed it as i'm anxious because of my partner being layed off and so on and when that is sorted it will be too late. nurse said sorry and is sendin me some pamphlets.
like i couldn't find out all the same crap on the interweb.
they told me to go back to my doc for another referral when i'm finished with relationship counselling. i told them that was the reason i needed it as i'm anxious because of my partner being layed off and so on and when that is sorted it will be too late. nurse said sorry and is sendin me some pamphlets.
like i couldn't find out all the same crap on the interweb.
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