food glorious food

i've gone from hardly eating anything at - first from stress then from tummy fluey something, but now i'm feeling the urge to stress eat from depression and anxiety and fear...so i've tried to figure out my 'safe' food - something that i've worked on previously with hypnosos - only then i still at fish all the time so it was a fishy safe food, and now with the yucky belly i've not been very adventurous - and chosen rice. yup, rice. rice made with vegan broth so at least it has a bit of taste...

made some last night and plan to keep some always on the hob so if i feel like binging at least it'll be there...altho this may all be quite moot as i'm going to be taking part in my friend/colleague anders latest art project by charting my weight for 13 days onto a music scale and then having it played by an orchestra and turned into a cellphone ringtone!

so last big meal tonight - as tis english mothers day and my daughter is coming over to make me a big thai dinner when she is finished filming today...

still so bad again.

another week, another weekend...and another relationship session that seems to have made everything worse. he just seems to take what he wants from the therapy and hell with my feelings but somehow he's feeling justified by the discussions. i don't get it...it's so bad again that he's said that he doesn't want to be with me - and this is after both the therapist and my fiance assured me in the session today that it's not futile because we really want to sort things out and be together.

i really cannot handle this amount of stress...my head is exploding!